Friday, 18 March 2011

Ode to the Yowie

The Yowie
by A. B. Bymoy

On a mountain bleak, in Monaro,
Bypassed by the tourist trade,
A grazier pondered his woolcheque
As he sat in a gumtree's shade.

"The bank will soon be foreclosing
And the bailiffs will follow quite quick
What I need is some Tourist Promotion
And the Yowie might just do the trick!"

(Now the Yowie is known as a legend,
Like the Yeti and Bigfoot of lore,
And Nessie of Scotland; the Bunyip,
No doubt there's quite a few more.)

Some said t‘was a local invention,
Devised as a prank by the smart,
But respectable bushmen had seen it,
Each swore, with a hand on his heart.

T'was hairy and fat as a bullock!
Feet as big as a kangaroo's haunch!
As tall as an eighteen foot sapling,
And a gut like a publican’s paunch.

Long teeth, like a Vampire's incisors,
Red eyed [when it bellowed in hate]
But t'was shy and quite inoffensive,
Except when it searched for a mate.

So the story the grazier fostered,
And the fame of the Yowie spread far
For his hope was that visiting tourist
Would leave lots of lot in his jar.

With a cartwheel and feet that he fashioned,
From various animal parts,
Far apart, tracks were made in his bogland,
With a cunning and devious art.

A suit was devised in like manner,
Stitched from hides of some various brutes,
The head, from a costumier / jeweller
And Lord! just imagine the boots!

So, on many a tourist safari,
In the dusk at the nocturnal camp,
A lady might scream at her sighting
Of the Yowie, revealed by the lamp.

And often, outlined on the skyline,
The threatening Yowie was seen,
At these times, it was noted, the grazier,
Was not where he then should have

One night when the grazier was absent,
From the camp of a visiting club,
Some terrible screams emanated
From a patch of enveloping scrub.

The horrified tourists then witnessed
A sight they would take to their graves,
TWO Yowies undoubtedly mating
While the smaller one yelled to be saved.

One night when the grazier was absent,
From the camp of a visiting club,
Some terrible screams emanated
From a patch of enveloping scrub.

The horrified tourists then witnessed
A sight they would take to their graves,
TWO Yowies undoubtedly mating
While the smaller one yelled to be saved.

The Mating Dance of the Yowie!
Now there is a sight that is rare!
We will spare you the horrible detail
We will now draw the curtain with care.

And whether you think it was justice,
Or whether you think it the truth,
Tis whispered, my sworn, that the grazier,
Has suffered the dread fate of Ruth.

"Whither thou go, so will I go"
"Though carried under one arm,
Last seen as the wife of a Yowie,
And never no more on the farm.

A WARNING.
Don't try to forestall the grim banker,
Don‘t try for the rich tourist trade;
You could end up the spouse of a Yowie;
And live in Tinderry Glade.

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